We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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