I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
