Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize