quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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