god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
