Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize