The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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