Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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