I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
