please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
