dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
