I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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