After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
