If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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