She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
