Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
