haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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