I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
