There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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