Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
