just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
