I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
