she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
