Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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