Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
