May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
