just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm like, not good at living.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
