i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
