Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
