well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
