i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
