he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
