Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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