I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
