right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
