when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
