the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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