I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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