miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
