Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
