Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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