In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
