dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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