Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
