PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
