Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
