And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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