i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
