You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
