and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
