Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My balls are so social today.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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