the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
