her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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