it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
