Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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