I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't think brook has ever known best
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
