I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
