my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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