margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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