I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
