You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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