I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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