somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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