I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
