just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
