if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize