return my video game
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
