I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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