I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
