I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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