I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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