I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
