Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
