definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
